I dont get impressed easily and I am usually not a big fan of public figures in high places. But I think she is really impressive. A really good article which touches on what is important. Some really good old wisdom in there.
MANY PERM SECS, JUST ONE MUM ...
It is a privilege, says this
high-flying career woman, to be
a part of her son’s cancer battle
As the first female Permanent Secretary in Singapore,
Ms Lim Soo Hoon was named Her World Woman of the
Year 2006. The 49-year-old was honoured early this
month not so much for her high-flying job but largely for
how she coped with, and her poignant sharing of, her
older son Samuel’s battle with Hodgkin’s disease, a
cancer of the lymphatic system. The mother of two teenage
boys published “Sam: A Mother’s Journey of Faith”, a
compilation of her letters to family and friends, last July.
In January, two weeks after Samuel encouraged her to
accept the award, the 17-year-old had a relapse and is
undergoing treatment. Ms Lim talks to JASMINE YIN
(jasmine@mediacorp.com.sg) about motherhood and
says she is privileged to share in his ordeal.
Why ask Samuel if you should accept the award?
The first two things about the award that came to my
mind were vanity and pride. I felt I could not accept
it for those reasons. I needed to ask Sam for his goahead
because he is a key reason why the award was
given to me. After I thought it over, I felt this would
be a good opportunity to share how I feel about God’s
love. Sam said: “Mum, go for it.”
How would you describe your journey as a mother
since Sam was diagnosed with cancer in 2004?
It has been a frightful journey and I was quite devastated.
There were days when I wallowed in self-pity,
like when I saw kids around Sam’s age out and about,
happy-go-lucky, I’d think: “Oh, Sam is not doing that
today.” It’s dangerous to do too much of this. It is important
to count your blessings.
During a visit to the National Cancer Centre in
January 2005, we were reading newspaper reports
about the 2004 Boxing Day tsunami while waiting
for his blood test results. There were signals that
maybe treatment was not progressing as well as it
should.
But when you read about the tsunami victims,
it dawned immediately on me that God is so
good to me. There are people going through worse
situations and at least I still have Sam. We felt
privileged in the journey because we got to know
God and to feel the love of so many people around
us. It brings home what is really important.
During a radio interview for the book, Sam said
it took cancer for him to realise what is important in
his life. He said: “I wish you all won’t have to go
through cancer to realise what is important in your life.”Why do you say you defer to him a lot more now?
He was 14 when he was first diagnosed and I really mothered
him. Now he is 17, a young adult. I have to learn
to let go and give him space.
I think other parents in a similar situation need
to take into account their children’s views. I sometimes
feel they are more mature than we think because
they have to grow up very quickly.
In your acceptance speech, you said support
from your workplace has been a big help.
I share about my situation quite openly with my office,
because of the times when I need to take leave to be
with my son for treatment. So, they won’t have to wonder:
How come this Perm Sec always disappears now
and then? (Laughs) People have told me not to worry,
that they will take care of things for me. Support has
been tremendous from my colleagues and bosses.
I hope this will encourage people with similar
personal problems to share them because such support
is necessary. For me, at least I don’t have to
worry about the financial part. But you never know about
your more junior staff. If you keep it to yourself, the
burden will be very difficult to handle.
How do you reconcile work and family?
I think it’s crazy to try to be a supermum or superwoman.
I always tell people I can’t do certain things
and I don’t pretend that I can. So, I outsource. When
my children want food, they won’t come to me, unless
it is, “Mum, buy (food)!”I never sent my two boys to all kinds of classes
when they were younger. Some people I talked to gave
me the impression that I was a bad mother. But I find
it hard to make them do something they don’t like.
There is no single prescription for everyone. It
depends on the individual. I try to spend as much time
with them as I can, like going to bed when they do
and waking up much earlier to do my stuff.
There can be many permanent secretaries but
only one mother for Samuel and Russell Chan.
